Apparently 10 Ways To Make A Girl Smile

So I saw this on Tumblr the other day: 
And I read it thinking “wtf? None of this would make me smile…” 

1- Erm ok this may be cute and show signs that the guy is committed. But honestly, I’ve been introduced to a guy’s family after like 3 dates and we didn’t last very long so it’s not seen as a big deal anymore to many people or to many families. Showing me to your friends will make me smile? I’ll be smiling because now I know the type of people you f*ck around with. I ain’t smiling, I’m analysing your homies.

2- No one should touch my hair. I don’t care if it’s nicely done or a greasy mess, don’t touch my hair. What am I even supposed to say when you say it smells good? Thank L’Oréal? Swish my hair into your face?

3- Pretty sure that’s a game fathers play with their kids. If she’s screaming she’s probably actually scared. No one acts “calm” when you’re “acting” like you’re going to drop them. Picking me up and throwing me on a bed sounds more like what you should be doing. Or simply picking me up and carrying me like a goddess when I have no willpower to walk anymore is also appreciated.

4- Well if its supposed to be a funny joke then surely anyone would laugh? Honestly though, I don’t find jokes funny. I just smile. I find things like sarcasm, witty comments, and unintentional jokes funny.

5&6- Am I dating a comedian? Why does he have to try so hard with the jokes? 3 points wasted on jokes.

7- For some reason, I didn’t read the word ‘window’ and started laughing at the thought of someone throwing pebbles at their loved one. Anyways, my window is facing the garden, which has a fence/wall at the end of it and behind that fence/wall is railway tracks. So, unless you’re planning to get yourself killed, that ain’t happening. Also, I’m someone who goes into a coma when I sleep so even if you threw a rock, I wouldn’t even notice. If you don’t understand that I’m from a Middle Eastern background, then you won’t see how this is a bad idea in general because I would just be panicking and by the time I calm down and find any part of this action ‘cute’, my dad would be chasing you down the street.

8- Yes, this, I actually agree is cute but I won’t be smiling when I’m sleeping. I don’t look like Sleeping Beauty though.
*Story time*
I tend to fall asleep on public transport quite a lot. The story I remember the most is the time I was travelling back to London from Tehran on my own. I had the middle seat on the plane, in-between a middle-aged lady and a young guy. As soon as we set off, I knocked out. Turns out, I was sleeping on the guy’s shoulder the WHOLE 5 hour flight and he kept trying to push me aside but me, being the heavy sleeper I am, would just move back to his shoulder. When we landed he gave me the dirtiest look ever. Sorry future lover, I will need your shoulder on flights unless you buy me those fancy first class tickets. 

9- I actually love this. Yes, this would actually make me smile. However, I’ve noticed guys are becoming shorter and shorter so by the time I find someone, I will probably be lifting HIM off his feet when we hug.

10- NAHHHHHH FAAAAAM. Don’t even touch me when I’m mad. When I’m mad, I cry and lash out and say things I don’t mean. If you touch me, I will end up beating the sh*t out of you. Honestly, that kiss won’t make either of us smile. Also, a lot of guys do that just for the girl to shut up and forgive them. Don’t let them have the easy way out with a kiss.

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