For those who used to read my previous blog, all know how strongly I feel about issues such as rape. It is a problem that still hasn’t been solved or understood even though we’re in the 21st century.
I recently read several articles about a man called Daryush Valizadeh (pictured below) who thinks raping women should be encouraged. Before I even read his name, I had a gut feeling this guy would be Middle Eastern and surprise, surprise, he’s Persian (I’m 99.9% sure he is). The reason I knew this is not only because of my own experiences or other people’s experiences of rape, but because of the way Middle Eastern men are raised.
I’m not generalising this by saying that all Middle Eastern (M.E) men rape women, no, I would never do that. What I’m talking about is based on my experiences with M.E men and the numerous other stories I’ve heard from friends etc so don’t bother attacking me with comments saying that “not all men are like that” because I already know that.
In majority of M.E cultures, boys are worshipped like Princes as they carry on the family name, but mainly due to sexism passed down from centuries ago. Families are more lenient towards boys; they usually aren’t given a curfew, they don’t have restrictions to remain a virgin till marriage, they aren’t questioned every time they go out, in general they have more freedom than girls. Other than the freedom, their ego is also fed by their parents, especially by their mothers. We can look at this as a Freudian factor of the bond between a mother and her son, or we can look at the language used when raising a son in a M.E family. I don’t know much about how other cultures raise their children, but in Persian households, little boys are usually encouraged into having a big ego.
Comedian Max Amini even jokes about how Persian mothers say “doodool talah” (golden dick) to their sons when they’re a baby. The encouragement and language used towards boys influences them later in their life. M.E men have the biggest ego ever and if you ever insult their ego, they can’t handle it and end up lashing out on you. The same applies to their sex life. The majority of them start by saying “I only want to do it, if you want to. It feels much better when the both of us want to do it” but if you leave sex out of the relationship long enough, they begin to guilt trip you into it. “Baby, don’t you think we’ve waited enough? It’s just that we both love each other so I think we’re at that stage now. I think you forget that I’m a guy and I have needs and that it’s easier for you than me. I want it only if you’re ready but I just want you to know that I’m ready and I think it’ll bring us closer.”
The majority of these men also don’t like the word “no” because they’re so used to getting everything they want. They grew up in a family where they were hardly told “no” or eventually received what they wanted. They think the same applies with their partner. If their partner says “no”, they either force their partner into it, ignoring their demand, or they again, manipulate them to get what they want. Many men still haven’t come to terms with this. A lot of guys continue to touch the girl up or try to turn her on even if she says “no” because they think she’s playing ‘hard to get’. Some one I know, didn’t want to have sex with a guy she was dating and he continued to pursue his needs by saying “I don’t like the word no” and forced it upon her.
It is some of these men who claim they’ve never raped a girl or will never take advantage of one. It’s simply because they don’t understand what counts as rape. Many think rape is a violent act that involves someone getting physically attacked or jumped on but that’s not always the case.
(When I refer to rape, I mean it can happen to both men and women. I’m just focusing on men because of their upbringing and because of that Daryush prick who thinks raping women should be a popular activity)
Rape is when X says “no” and Y continues to persuade them and ends up forcing them into it, against their will even though they continuously say “no”.
Rape is also when X says “no” and Y continues so X gives up trying and just waits for it to end. That still doesn’t count as consent.
Rape is when X is trying to push Y off herself/himself but Y gets even more violent and forces it upon them.
Rape is when X is uncomfortable and only lets Y pursue their needs because they felt pressured to.
Rape is when X is underaged.
Rape is when X is drugged, drunk, unconscious or in an unstable state not aware of what is happening around them.
Rape is when X is mentally ill and taken advantage of.
Funnily enough, majority of parents don’t teach their children this. They don’t teach their sons that they should never act on all of the situations mentioned above. They don’t teach their daughters that it’s ok to say “no” and what situation counts as rape. Yet there’s loads of people disagreeing with Daryush Valizadeh without actually knowing all the forms of rape. I wonder if some of those people have actually raped another person without knowing.
Schools should start teaching children more about this topic and show them the different ways to seek help. Parents should reconsider the way they raise their kids and to not feel ashamed or embarrassed to discuss topics such as sex and rape. Maybe if these topics were discussed more, people would be more aware. Maybe then, more people would know when they’ve been raped and not fear going to the police. Maybe, men would finally accept “no” means “NO”.
This ‘pro-rape’ guy was most likely brought up in a family where women were seen lower than men and only as a means of sexual desires or he was never taught anything about sex and equality. In my eyes, this man is a rapist that openly blogs about raping women and how to rape women yet he’s still not arrested. Instead, he’s going around holding seminars. This is the type of society we live in, where a man admits to raping women but isn’t locked up behind bars or sent to a mental institute. No wonder people don’t open up about rape or go to the police. Maybe society is just as f*cked as rapists.