“A designer is never going to look at a body type like mine and be inspired.”

This was an editorial article I wrote for my fashion module in my final year at uni which I’m pretty proud of because it received a high mark. An article like this would probably be featured in Marie Claire or Cosmopolitan so I kept that in mind whilst also trying to slip in quotes from my interview with Violet Loveless (name was changed due privacy reasons). Oh also, my article didn’t include any photos because we were told to just write the content so I incorporated photos in for this blog post. Hope you enjoy reading it!

“A designer is never going to look at a body type like mine and be inspired.”

Gigi Hadid was slammed for being ‘too curvy’, Ashley Graham co-hosted the Oscars red carpet with E! and waist trainers are becoming the most wanted accessory. The fashion world seems to be heading in a variety of directions by promoting larger, healthier models as well as also encouraging weight loss. Lola Ameri.

(Photo taken from Tumblr)

(Marilyn Monroe. Photo taken from Tumblr)

During the 1950s when Marilyn Monroe was known as a ‘sex symbol’, size zero and four didn’t exist. Although she had the famous hourglass figure that was adored by men and envied by women, many claimed that she was a bit on the ‘large’ side even though she was a size 12 (UK size 8). In the UK, the average dress size is 12, whilst in America it’s around 12-14, yet we’re still encouraging women to lose weight. When Gigi Hadid had to vent out her feelings on Instagram after labelled ‘too curvy’ for the modelling industry, what hope is there left for the rest of us?

(Gigi Hadid. Photo taken from Tumblr)

(Gigi Hadid. Photo taken from Tumblr)

Models are constantly pressured to remain thin so they can be booked for high end runways. We’re still seeing size zero models strutting on the catwalk and printed on big billboards. As we drool over the luscious bodies of the Victoria’s Secret Angels, we sometimes forget they achieved these figures through unhealthy eating habits and intense daily exercise. The Angels are restricted to small portions of protein and long sessions of Pilates, yoga and working out with a personal trainer. Some of them even work out twice a day. As encouraging this is for women to stay fit, it can also lead to eating disorders if not dealt with correctly. With women constantly featured on magazine covers for their looks and style, it’s no wonder that we feel pressured to always look good. You could be enjoying a large pizza but in the back of your mind, you’re considering not to eat the following day or to gather up the courage and actually attend the gym you signed up for three months ago.

(Taken from giphy.com)

However bad we feel about our weight, there’s always someone who feels worse. Beauty brands are encouraging self love such as Dove’s ‘Campaign for Real Beauty’. Their campaign features women of all shapes and sizes who are learning to appreciate their body. This opens the door for high street brands to encourage a plus size range. ASOS has had it’s plus size range ‘curve’ for many years and it welcomes a variety of fashionable styles. When speaking to 26-year-old, student Violet Loveless, who has been struggling with obesity her whole life, she expresses how she feels about the introduction of plus size ranges: “There’s so many plus size ranges in high street stores like River Island recently and Dorothy Perkins. New Look has been absolutely fantastic. But there’s still so many stores that don’t carry a plus size range which is so disappointing because you go online and find clothes but they’ve used size 14-16 models. So you have no idea how it actually looks on a bigger size.” Size 14-16 may seem large to the high-end fashion designers; however, it is still seen as an average size for women. Plus size ranges usually start from size 18 but aren’t modelled by women with larger figures.

(ASOS Curve taken from giphy.com)

The Kardashians are known to empower the hourglass figure, and this has pushed women to hit the gym and start putting on weight in all the right places. The Kardashians clan may have brought back the Marilyn Monroe look but with over exaggerated features. No one naturally has a bum that big with a thigh gap. We all dream of it but it’s impossible. Although the voluptuous sisters may be encouraging girls to hit the gym, they’re also promoting false dreams. We can’t all afford a fairy Godsurgeon like Simon Ourian to zap our excess fat away into all the right places. With the limelight on the Kardashians, men are lusting over curvier women again and girls are learning to appreciate their lovely lady lumps. However, they’re still not promoting the encouragement of plus size women. Kim Kardashian West may seem like she’s on the large side, but she’s actually quite petite. Her waist and bust measurements are pretty similar to Marilyn Monroe’s, except she has a larger bottom half. Pun intended. The Kim we see in photos is very much airbrushed to seem slimmer with smoother skin. A woman like her surely has stretch marks, but they’re Photoshopped away, which contradicts her message to young women.

(Kim Kardashian West. Photo taken from Tumblr)

(Kim Kardashian West. Photo taken from Tumblr)

While the Kardashians may seem to encourage women to embrace their curves; they’re still not promoting all body types. Kim used to promote slimming teas and pills as well as protein shakes. Surely if they love their curves, they wouldn’t want to slim down or go into hiding after giving birth, right? Soon, Kylie Jenner started promoting waist trainers when she was just 17 years old. Kylie doesn’t exercise yet she’s posting pictures of herself bandaged up in a waist trainer just for the promotional income. Pictures like this on Instagram are sending out the wrong message to many girls. In fact, it was proven that the waist trainer alters the body’s organs over time, which can be quite dangerous. The obsession with these ‘body goals’ on Instagram is creating three sub categories of ideal body types: size zero, exaggerated curves, and plus size. Young women are now willing to go to extreme lengths just to fit in either one of these categories in order to feel appreciated and happier with their body.

(Kim Kardashian West promoting a waist trainer. Photo taken from Tumblr)

(Kim Kardashian West promoting a waist trainer. Photo taken from Tumblr)

Late last year, Essena O’Neill, a teen Instagram star quit the app as she felt the pressure of social media taking over her life. The Australian 18 year old with over half a million Instagram followers spoke out about her life as an Instagram star and the strain it has caused on her life. Essena admitted to fabricating a lot of her images and skipping meals just so she could capture her petite figure for an Instagram photo. She never wanted to be seen carrying a ‘food baby’, unlike the rest of us who are pregnant with a large pizza. The social media star was paid for promoting tiny outfits and faking smiles just to display a happier lifestyle, which was subconsciously pushing girls towards losing weight. Its no longer just models like Jordan Dunn that are encouraging size zero, Instagram ‘famous’ accounts like Essena’s are contributing as well. Violet agrees: “these women are not representative of the British public or women in general. I do think that some models are really beautiful but they’re literally there to be a coat hanger.” They aren’t forcing women to lose weight; they’re just doing their job. Smaller sized women are known to be inspirational to fashion designers, simply for the way clothes fit on their figure. For centuries, petite women, especially ones in Europe, inspired fashion and that has remained the ideal figure till now. It will take a while before the fashion industry can adjust to a larger size range. Violet expresses her views on this: “a designer is never going to look at a body type like mine and be inspired. I accept that but I do wish I could see more clothing for my range. I would definitely buy more fashion magazines if they promoted clothes I could actually wear.” You may be thinking “well, Kim Kardashian walks around in designer outfits all day”, but those are altered and made for her because she has the money and connections for it. A regular size 18 woman can’t walk into Chanel and expect to walk out with any item of clothing. High-end fashion will always reject average women.

(Backstage at Balmain Spring 2016 collection. Photo taken from Tumblr(

(Backstage at Balmain Spring 2016 collection. Photo taken from Tumblr(

But it’s all slowly changing. Tess Holiday and Ashley Graham are representing plus size women in the modelling world. They’re encouraging designers to appreciate women of other sizes and to allow them on the catwalk. Ashley has helped to shine a sexier light on bigger women by designing and modelling her own lingerie line as well as reporting the Oscars red carpet alongside Kris Jenner at E! Not only is she becoming a role model for women to love themselves, she is also getting her name out there in the fashion world. Some people may think that Tess and Ashley are encouraging obesity and an unhealthy lifestyle. When speaking to Violet, she opened up about her anger surrounding this issue: “I feel like I’m judged all the time. In a supermarket I make sure there’s a proportional amount of vegetables in my basket because so many people assume I’m this size because of what I eat , when in fact I’ve been struggling with obesity since I was a kid.” These women aren’t doing campaigns for fast food chains or encouraging girls to grab a burger every day. If you were to look at it as from a promotional aspect, then they’re promoting brown hair or blue eyes just as well as a bigger figure. It’s a state of being, not propaganda. Plus size models are breaking boundaries in the fashion world and persuading women to become happier with who they are.

(Ashley Graham at the Oscar's 2016 Vanity Fair party. Photo taken from Tumblr)

(Ashley Graham at the Oscar’s 2016 Vanity Fair party. Photo taken from Tumblr)

With the involvement of plus size models entering the blogging and fashion world, the public is developing a more open view on different body shapes. Designers will still hunt for their muse amongst skinnier women because some rules in fashion will remain the same. But this could open up the opportunity for new designers to get creative with plus size figures and create things that they can purchase straight off the catwalk. The problem is teaching yourself how to be happy with who you are without bringing others down. It’s wrong for women to be promoting ‘Skinny Tea’ and eating less just for likes on Instagram or for other women to caption their images with ‘real men prefer meat, not bones’. It’s becoming a battle of body types with no one really encouraging a healthier lifestyle. That doesn’t mean you should just eat salads all day. You can enjoy a burger whilst hitting the gym every day and working hard to love your body. Whether a woman wants to put on weight or lose it, it should be her choice as long as it’s done in a healthy way and it provides her with the confidence she needs to love herself rather than being influenced by social media. Plus size or size zero, the fashion industry is starting to show off both, but that doesn’t mean we have to all fit either one of those molds. Your happiness comes from within, and maybe from a slice of pizza. Don’t kill yourself to fit the ever-changing standards of society, have that slice of pizza and learn to appreciate yourself for who you are.

(Me. Taken from giphy.com)

Vox Pops:
We headed out to the public to see what their views are on this topic. Is the fashion industry still promoting size zero models?

 “In magazines like Vogue, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone that weighs more than a twig so I think it’s (size zero) still a huge thing for them. Even in other magazines, it’s always about how much weight a celeb’s put on or how great they look on the beach with their skimpy figures. It’s never like ‘oh she’s probably put on weight because she’s just had a baby’ or ‘she looks too skinny because she’s suffering from an eating disorder’. No one cares for the reasons.”
Barbra-Rose, 25, sales assistant, London.

“I can never expect to get something off the runway or in style but it is changing and growing in the right direction so I am excited to see what the future of fashion holds. I know I’m only size 16, but it’s still hard to find stylish clothes that would look good on me without making me look larger. But I’m optimistic that one day designers will have girls like me walking down the runway.”
Maryam, 22, student, London.

“I actually enjoy seeing the size zero models in the fashion industry. I think the clothes hang on their body much better than someone a lot larger. I know it sounds harsh but a lot of those models still eat fast foods but work their butts off at the gym so they’re lucky that they don’t put on weight easily and I envy them. They’re sort of like mythical creatures.”
Nadine, 32, hairdresser, London.
“I’ve just always assumed that people would be used to the whole ‘size zero models’ thing by now because we’ve seen it so much. Honestly, I think the models look better than they did before when the anorexia phase was ‘in’. I still think the healthier models were back in the 90s with Cindy Crawford’s clique. I enjoy looking at them but I don’t expect the women I date to look like them. That would be irrational.”
Michael, 31, engineer, London.

 

The Start Of A New Chapter In My Life

I should’ve really posted this yesterday but I was unbelievably tired and needed time to relax (basically just catching up on sleep). I remember around this time, 3 years ago (2013), I was studying for 10 hours straight every single day. I would forget to eat and unwillingly developed an eating disorder. My phone was mostly on silent and locked up in a drawer just so I could focus. I worked my butt off to get into the university I wanted even though, deep down, I knew university wasn’t for me.

Nevertheless, I got into my first choice, Westminster university, even though I lied to the head of Journalism (Jim) in the interview. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, I applied to study journalism because I watched Ugly Betty and thought “that’s the lifestyle for me”. (Please don’t be as stupid as me by making life decisions based on TV shows. I’m still guilty of doing this.) Anyway, Jim didn’t know about the lie until recently when I was telling the story to a friend and another lecturer, Patrick. I decided to come clean with Jim, thinking that he already knew I lied but surprisingly he didn’t. I don’t recommend lying but I was put on the spot and didn’t realise what was coming out of my mouth. Technically, it wasn’t a lie. It was more of a ‘misunderstanding’… Yeah, let’s just say that.

First year of BA journalism at uni was quite fun. I enjoyed it. I learnt a lot and my grades were pretty good. Second year was horrendous. I went through a really bad phase where I began to hate uni and just stopped going. I was drugged up on antidepressants which had a weird effect on me. I felt numb towards everything and couldn’t process any thoughts. It started impacting my work as I lacked creativity and motivation. It was a really tough point in my life but instead of deciding to drop out (which I was really keen on), I pushed myself to finish my degree. This year was the final push and it took a lot of sleepless nights, mood swings, tears and anxiety for me to get by, but I did it.

I started writing my dissertation in February so that I wouldn’t be panicking in April. My insomnia became worse. My body and brain would be tired but I would lie awake every night till 6am, overthinking my life. I had to ask a stranger in Costa to help me work out the mathematical side to analysing my data. I constantly messaged the founder of Tinder on every social networking site possible just so he could provide me the most up to date statistics. I considered sending him nudes just to get his attention. He never replied in the end but I still wrote my 12,000 words and submitted it in.

I took my mum to uni with me yesterday to hand in my dissertation. When I was applying for uni, no one was there for me. No one came to the open days with me. My parents and I weren’t brought up here so they had no idea how the education system in the UK worked. I did it all on my own. So I wanted to show her what my uni looked like since she didn’t get a chance to continue her education. I was stressed out the whole day so I didn’t get to absorb as much of uni as I wanted. Stupidly I only took a picture in the auditorium and not one in the news rooms we had spent the majority of our time in. I forgot to take a picture with my favourite lecturers. I forgot everything. I just wanted to hand in my dissertation and close this chapter of my life.

Everyone took the standard ‘handing in dissertation’ picture. My mum however, accidentally took 6 videos of me posing for what I thought, would be pictures. So the picture below looks pretty sh*t as I had to take screenshots from a video. I was pissed off at the time but now I’m just happy that she was there with me.

I still have two more assignments left to submit so it hasn’t really kicked in that university is over. I think it will only kick in on graduation day but thank you to all my friends and family who stuck by me these past 3 years. You all put up with my anxiety attacks, my mood swings, my tears and my anger. I thought I would find my friends for life at uni (that’s what they all said would happen) but I just ended up meeting some great people on the way. Some who I’m glad I met, others I’m hoping to actually stay in touch with. Oh, I also want to thank my dissertation tutor Sara Marino and the head of journalism Jim McClellan for all their quick email responses, help and support. I need to also thank Petsa Kaffens for all our lovely conversations in her office and for all the inspiration she has taught me through her electric style and her achievements in life. I will forever adore Petsa.

Overall, I am just so proud of myself. This is the first time in my life that I’ve finished something I voluntarily decided to do. Those who know me, know that I don’t even finish my drinks, let alone push myself through uni. I can’t wait to see what the new chapter in my life has in store for me but I’m ready for all the new challenges on the way. I’m going to continue to make myself proud and I hope you all learn to make decisions and succeed in life, for you. Make yourself proud.

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Lola x

Marchesa

I’m a bit obsessed with Marchesa at the moment, especially when I saw Sofia Vergara and Heidi Klum wearing two of their designs to the Oscars. So, this is literally just a picture based post dedicated to some of their designs that I adore with a little information about the brand. I’ll make it clear now, all the photos are from the Vogue website as they have the best storage of designers’ collections.

Marchesa
Founded in: 2004
Founded by: Georgina Chapman and Keren Craig
It is a British brand and the two founders met at Chelsea College of Art and Design in London. Keren handles the majority of the textiles designs whilst Georgina focuses on the draping and the cut of the pieces. You’ll notice from the pictures below, how beautiful well these two people come together to create elegant pieces.
Georgina Chapman’s name seemed quite familiar to me so, I looked her up and found out why. She appeared in an episode of Gossip Girl as herself, which is probably why her name rings a bell. Her father is a multi millionaire business man whilst her mother is a journalist (whoop whoop). She’s modelled for Head & Shoulders and has starred in some tv shows and films. She’s apparently worth £15 million (thanks daddy?) 
Ok, ok, after thinking her name rings a bell, I also looked at her photos and now I know where I know her from, and it’s not just Gossip Girl. I remember looking at all the Oscars photos from this year and seeing an odd couple. “Harvey Weinstein and Georgina Chapman. Who the f*ck is that? I haven’t seen him before. She’s stunning though. I bet you she’s with him for his money. She looks like she’s 20 years younger than him.” I feel bad now. She’s actually approaching her 40s, but I was right, she IS 20 years younger than him. He’s a film producer but I don’t see why she would need to marry him for money when she’s worth a lot herself and her father is a millionaire. I judged them simply on looks so I apologise and hope she’s happily married.
Moving on…the brand is named after socialite and muse Marchesa Lusia Casati who famously said “I want to be a living work of art.” The brand now has a ready-to-wear line, handbag collection, bridal wear and is launching a dinnerware collection with Lenox. You can find them at most high end department stores.

Ready-To-Wear Fall 2016
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Pre-Fall 2016 (why on earth do we need pre-fall?)
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Bridal Fall 2016

Marchesa, Bridal Fall 2016, October 2015, Lookbook Shoot

Marchesa, Bridal Fall 2016, October 2015, Lookbook Shoot
Marchesa, Bridal Fall 2016, October 2015, Lookbook Shoot
Marchesa, Bridal Fall 2016, October 2015, Lookbook Shoot

Ready-To-Wear Spring 2016
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Bridal Spring 2016
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Ready-To-Wear 2015
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Resort 2014 (it’s basically evening dresses)
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Ready-To-Wear Fall 2013
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Ready-To-Wear Spring 2013
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Resort 2013
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Resort 2012

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Ready-To-Wear Spring 2011
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Resort 2011
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Ready-To-Wear Fall 2010
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Ready-To-Wear Spring 2010
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Ready-To-Wear Fall 2009
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Ready-To-Wear Spring 2009
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All photos are taken from Vogue.com

I could’ve continued to show you guys more from their collections but I started to get a bit tired and the quality of the photos on Vogue started to decrease as the collections got older.

Lola x

Heartless B*tch

I am the worst person when it comes to dealing with emotional things.

I’m a pretty emotional person myself like if someone dies in a movie or starts crying, I’ll start creating a pool of tears around me. But I have no idea how to deal with things in person.
My mum just came up to me and told me a relative of ours who was suffering from cancer has passed away. I already figured this out from my baba’s loud crying downstairs. I replied to my mum with “aw that’s good.” I didn’t mean it like “ah yes he’s finally dead!” I meant it more like “he’s not in pain anymore.” I just didn’t know how to put it so she gave me the weirdest look ever.

When my grandad died, I was really young and didn’t really remember many memories with him so I didn’t know what to mourn over. Instead, I would just watch my mum scream and fall to the floor crying. When my other grandad passed away a couple of years ago, I again, didn’t know what to do. He was suffering from Parkinson’s disease and spent his last couple of weeks in hospital. We flew out to Iran for the funeral and whilst everyone around me was crying, I couldn’t help but laugh. Honestly, I don’t know why I would laugh. I didn’t know how I was supposed to handle it. I tried crying but it didn’t work (dammit! I just spilt celery juice all over myself) and I just felt completely numb to the situation and continued to enjoy my summer vacation because he was no longer in pain and it was something I accepted the moment I heard the news and moved on.

I know what the correct thing is to do in these situations, but I can never bring myself to do it. I can never comfort the person or cry. I can only cry when I’m angry. Is there something wrong with me?

It’s not only death that I’m numb towards, it’s other things too. For example, if a friend’s grandad has passed away and they approach me for comfort, I wouldn’t know what to say or do other than “I’m sorry for your loss” and a hug. I’d continue on with my day and speak to them, joking around, not realising that they’re not in the mood. I just expect life to go on for everyone else just like it does for me. I’m not selfish or lacking empathy (maybe I am?), I’m just really bad at these things.

I don’t even know what to say when someone tells me they love me. When it’s a friend, I’m totally cool and say it back. Ok, maybe not totally cool since I haven’t ever said it to a friend in person; I’ve just always typed it at the end of a birthday message or an emotional time they’ve been there for me. When it’s a boyfriend, I just joke around instead like “haha are you drunk? You don’t know what you’re saying right now so let’s just pretend this didn’t happen.” or I stupidly thank them or say something dumb like “I know. How could you not love someone like me.” I used to reply “I love you” to one of my ex-boyfriends who would throw it in every single Whatsapp conversation. But that was only because I felt pressured to (he would start an argument if I didn’t), not because I actually loved him. I have difficulty saying it to my parents as well. I do love them, and I do wish I could tell them that more, but every time I try to, my throat clogs up and I feel myself choking.

I don’t know how to handle emotional situations. I can’t do PDA. I can’t comfort well. Maybe I’m only emotional towards movies because they’re not real? Does anyone else feel like this or is it just me, the heartless b*tch?

Lola x

‘Pro-Rape’ Subconsciously Exists Amongst Most Men

For those who used to read my previous blog, all know how strongly I feel about issues such as rape. It is a problem that still hasn’t been solved or understood even though we’re in the 21st century.

I recently read several articles about a man called Daryush Valizadeh (pictured below) who thinks raping women should be encouraged. Before I even read his name, I had a gut feeling this guy would be Middle Eastern and surprise, surprise, he’s Persian (I’m 99.9% sure he is). The reason I knew this is not only because of my own experiences or other people’s experiences of rape, but because of the way Middle Eastern men are raised.
rooshv
I’m not generalising this by saying that all Middle Eastern (M.E) men rape women, no, I would never do that. What I’m talking about is based on my experiences with M.E men and the numerous other stories I’ve heard from friends etc so don’t bother attacking me with comments saying that “not all men are like that” because I already know that.

In majority of M.E cultures, boys are worshipped like Princes as they carry on the family name, but mainly due to sexism passed down from centuries ago. Families are more lenient towards boys; they usually aren’t given a curfew, they don’t have restrictions to remain a virgin till marriage, they aren’t questioned every time they go out, in general they have more freedom than girls. Other than the freedom, their ego is also fed by their parents, especially by their mothers. We can look at this as a Freudian factor of the bond between a mother and her son, or we can look at the language used when raising a son in a M.E family. I don’t know much about how other cultures raise their children, but in Persian households, little boys are usually encouraged into having a big ego.

Comedian Max Amini even jokes about how Persian mothers say “doodool talah” (golden dick) to their sons when they’re a baby. The encouragement and language used towards boys influences them later in their life. M.E men have the biggest ego ever and if you ever insult their ego, they can’t handle it and end up lashing out on you. The same applies to their sex life. The majority of them start by saying “I only want to do it, if you want to. It feels much better when the both of us want to do it” but if you leave sex out of the relationship long enough, they begin to guilt trip you into it. “Baby, don’t you think we’ve waited enough? It’s just that we both love each other so I think we’re at that stage now. I think you forget that I’m a guy and I have needs and that it’s easier for you than me. I want it only if you’re ready but I just want you to know that I’m ready and I think it’ll bring us closer.” 

The majority of these men also don’t like the word “no” because they’re so used to getting everything they want. They grew up in a family where they were hardly told “no” or eventually received what they wanted. They think the same applies with their partner. If their partner says “no”, they either force their partner into it, ignoring their demand, or they again, manipulate them to get what they want. Many men still haven’t come to terms with this. A lot of guys continue to touch the girl up or try to turn her on even if she says “no” because they think she’s playing ‘hard to get’. Some one I know, didn’t want to have sex with a guy she was dating and he continued to pursue his needs by saying “I don’t like the word no” and forced it upon her.

It is some of these men who claim they’ve never raped a girl or will never take advantage of one. It’s simply because they don’t understand what counts as rape. Many think rape is a violent act that involves someone getting physically attacked or jumped on but that’s not always the case.

(When I refer to rape, I mean it can happen to both men and women. I’m just focusing on men because of their upbringing and because of that Daryush prick who thinks raping women should be a popular activity)

Rape is when X says “no” and Y continues to persuade them and ends up forcing them into it, against their will even though they continuously say “no”.
Rape is also when X says “no” and Y continues so X gives up trying and just waits for it to end. That still doesn’t count as consent.
Rape is when X is trying to push Y off herself/himself but Y gets even more violent and forces it upon them.
Rape is when X is uncomfortable and only lets Y pursue their needs because they felt pressured to.
Rape is when X is underaged.
Rape is when X is drugged, drunk, unconscious or in an unstable state not aware of what is happening around them.
Rape is when X is mentally ill and taken advantage of.

Funnily enough, majority of parents don’t teach their children this. They don’t teach their sons that they should never act on all of the situations mentioned above. They don’t teach their daughters that it’s ok to say “no” and what situation counts as rape. Yet there’s loads of people disagreeing with Daryush Valizadeh without actually knowing all the forms of rape. I wonder if some of those people have actually raped another person without knowing.

Schools should start teaching children more about this topic and show them the different ways to seek help. Parents should reconsider the way they raise their kids and to not feel ashamed or embarrassed to discuss topics such as sex and rape. Maybe if these topics were discussed more, people would be more aware. Maybe then, more people would know when they’ve been raped and not fear going to the police. Maybe, men would finally accept “no” means “NO”.

This ‘pro-rape’ guy was most likely brought up in a family where women were seen lower than men and only as a means of sexual desires or he was never taught anything about sex and equality. In my eyes, this man is a rapist that openly blogs about raping women and how to rape women yet he’s still not arrested. Instead, he’s going around holding seminars. This is the type of society we live in, where a man admits to raping women but isn’t locked up behind bars or sent to a mental institute. No wonder people don’t open up about rape or go to the police. Maybe society is just as f*cked as rapists.

Lola x

You’re My Home.

Sometimes, some people come into your life and make you feel at ease when you’re with them. It’s almost as if they’re the right dose of painkiller the doctor needed to prescribe.

You’re like a faded shadow in my life now. I still get angry at you, I used to shout at you, you hurt me, you ignore me, you left me. Yet it seems when I’m stressed and in need of an escape, you are the first thought to enter my mind.

I probably don’t cross your mind as often as I’d like to think I do, but you’re lying in the bed of my subconscious. Sometimes I find you jumping on the pillows of my thoughts. We both know you’ve over stayed your welcome but even when you’re out of sight, I manage to find you at the end of the day, hidden away in a corner.

When my mind becomes a dark and empty place, you’re the only light I find. I follow and find you lying there, ready for me to seek the warmth of your arms. Comfort is found right there, in your arms. Visiting that place in my mind is the only thing that’s holding my ego in place.

I could easily send you a message, and a few times I have, but I feel like every time I do, I’m feeding your ego with parts of my own. You hurt me a lot but instead of clinging onto the green hills of grudge, I’d rather roll down and stumble into you.

Your soft lips cushion my dreams, where I find myself in your arms again. I have always said that home isn’t a fixated place for me, as I have found a piece of it in various cities and in beautiful people I love. I think I’ve also found it in you.

And each day, I long to come home again.

Lola x